Bite Me, Brussels.

Reviewing food for the foreigners, without all the fluff.

Eating a cheeseburger that came from a can

Posted by Pi on November 23, 2009

Remember those German cheeseburgers-in-a-can?  The ones that were rumored to be extremely nasty?  Well, the one in my living room expired a week ago, which naturally meant that it had to be eaten.  Here’s a summary in ten pictures.  Conclusions follow.

Curiosity killed the cat.

Our incredible volunteer popping it open. Everyone gasped. We crowded around. Nothing spewed out screaming like in Ghostbusters.

Popped open the other side and shucked it out. Dry bread! Someone said his hands now smelled like meat. Someone else said they smelled like poo. Someone had better have been wrong.

No campfire, so into the microwave it went! Our volunteer requested the "nuclear" setting, but we just settled for "high" for 30 seconds...

...and it came out steaming! Appetizing, no?

Modern art: the empty can.

Oh. My. God.

I shuddered at this point.  (Click the photos to expand!)

What goes better with a cheeseburger from a can than a glass of fine French red wine, of course? No ketchup or other condiments were added, in order not to taint the subtle flavors carefully engineered using the best in German technology.

Chompin' down. He did his best.

He didn't finish.

Our excellent volunteer with a steel stomach concluded a few points about this thing:

1.  It’s better than Quick.
2.  The meat actually tasted like meat.
3.  The meat also tasted like paper.
4.  The “cheese” had plenty of something awful.
5.  If you were stuck in the woods somewhere and had this canned burger, you could eat it without dying.

So there you go.  Not good at all, but in the end, you could do worse.  Three cheers for German innovation!


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